He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
