U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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