from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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