3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
