it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
