Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize