You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
