Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
