this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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