apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize