I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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