I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
