Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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