oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
