my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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