so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize