don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
