wrigley field is MILF paradise
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
