dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
