dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
