im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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