Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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