It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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