Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
