it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
