he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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