you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize