Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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