hotel room ftw
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
