his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
