I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
