do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize