There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
