I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
