the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
