I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
