my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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