i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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