this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
