Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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