She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
