You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
