My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
