this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
