She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
