i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
