I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
