Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We need a shit load of segways right now
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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