I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
