That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
