Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
