something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
