we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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