im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
