i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
