Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
