That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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