Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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