So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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