last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
