I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
