smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
