Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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