i jhust puked up my retainher.
id be glad to
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
