I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize