I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
We named our party play list daddy issues
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
