just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
