can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
