Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
