My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
