Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize