Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
