Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
