your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
