If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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