i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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