no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize