Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
