my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
