Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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