I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
