if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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