we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
please come you make the beer taste better
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
