plz talk dirty to me
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
