Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
