Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
