I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
