he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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